A few nights ago Abby fell asleep, stark naked, on her change table as I massaged her after her bath. She slept through me diapering her, and clothing her in her pyjamas. In fact, she didn't wake up enough to have her bottle until I sat in the rocking chair and sang her "Itsy Bitsy Spider."
That was the song my mom sang to her. She sang it to her in her favourite brown leather recliner on Christmas Eve, over Skype from my childhood breakfast table and from her hospital bed three days before she passed as Abby bounced along in her carrier. I sing it to Abby everynight now. Her eyes sparkle and a smile curls across her lips, bottle still emptying rapidly, and I can feel her whole body react. As the close of the song comes I feel all of her muscles relax. The sparkle fades to a more subdued lustre and she rubs her eyes. Her eyelids grow heavy and I whisper that I love her, that her Angel Grandma loves her. She knows that my heart is hurting, and she knows how to mend it; the beautiful girl I hold in my arms every night helps me inhale again everytime my heart breaks.
" They know they have an angel grandpa up in heaven."
It is so important to me that my children know my mother. That they know who she was and how big her heart was, though it failed her in the end. Abigail has quite a few angels up there already. Now she has an Angel Grandma. She has my mom. I am so thankful that Shawna shared that story with me. I am so thankful for the peace it has been bringing me ever since.
This last photograph captures just a small portion of the wonderful handmade and thoughtfully purchased gifts Abby has received over her last 8 months (and prior to her arrival!). I just feel the need to start thanking you all for what you've made possible for our home and lives.
The floral wreath (watercolour and ink) was done by an incredible friend of mine name Stephanie Sears. She is the cat's pyjamas and is wonderfully talented! She is also a wicked teacher and awesome friend. Love you and miss you, Steph! That blanket draped over the glider was a gift from my lovely friend Ally's mom. She made an adorable hat to match it...and though the periwinkle often had people confused about whether Abby was a boy or girl, we loved it. It is so soft, and wonderfully cozy. Of course there's little Kinley Wall in there from her parents Jen and Steve, a memory box from Mark's godparents, a AA Milne quotation I drew myself and a piggy bank from her Uncle Matt. That is the bottle she woke up to finish, in case you were wondering.
We are reminded daily of how loved we are, Abby especially. Thank you to our friends and family, for everything, ever. You are all the best- absolutely tied for first place!