Angel Grandma

        A few nights ago Abby fell asleep, stark naked, on her change table as I massaged her after her bath. She slept through me diapering her, and clothing her in her pyjamas. In fact, she didn't wake up enough to have her bottle until I sat in the rocking chair and sang her "Itsy Bitsy Spider."  

    

       That was the song my mom sang to her.  She sang it to her in her favourite brown leather recliner on Christmas Eve, over Skype from my childhood breakfast table and from her hospital bed three days before she passed as Abby bounced along in her carrier. I sing it to Abby everynight now. Her eyes sparkle and a smile curls across her lips, bottle still emptying rapidly, and I can feel her whole body react. As the close of the song comes I feel all of her muscles relax. The sparkle fades to a more subdued lustre and she rubs her eyes. Her eyelids grow heavy and I whisper that I love her, that her Angel Grandma loves her. She knows that my heart is hurting, and she knows how to mend it; the beautiful girl I hold in my arms every night helps me inhale again everytime my heart breaks. 

      During the viewing for my mother I was able to reconnect and talk with many people whom my family has known over the years. People from every sports team my siblings or parents played or coached for, old friends from grade school and high school, staff from schools my mom worked at and teachers I'd had over the years to name a few. Many of them told me wonderful stories, said words of encouragement and took the time to ask how I was doing. One of those stories keeps coming back to me. A teacher I'd known in high school (who had also been a student teacher in my eighth grade class and helped with the musical I was in) spent many minutes talking to me about life that day.  She told me about how she had lost her own father at around the same age as my mom had been when she passed, but how she kept his memory alive for her own children. 

" They know they have an angel grandpa up in heaven." 

       
        It is so important to me that my children know my mother. That they know who she was and how big her heart was, though it failed her in the end. Abigail has quite a few angels up there already. Now she has an Angel Grandma. She has my mom. I am so thankful that Shawna shared that story with me. I am so thankful for the peace it has been bringing me ever since. 

       

       This last photograph captures just a small portion of the wonderful handmade and thoughtfully purchased gifts Abby has received over her last 8 months (and prior to her arrival!). I just feel the need to start thanking you all for what you've made possible for our home and lives.
       
       The floral wreath (watercolour and ink) was done by an incredible friend of mine name Stephanie Sears. She is the cat's pyjamas and is wonderfully talented! She is also a wicked teacher and awesome friend. Love you and miss you, Steph! That blanket draped over the glider was a gift from my lovely friend Ally's mom. She made an adorable hat to match it...and though the periwinkle often had people confused about whether Abby was a boy or girl, we loved it. It is so soft, and wonderfully cozy. Of course there's little Kinley Wall in there from her parents Jen and Steve, a memory box from Mark's godparents, a AA Milne quotation I drew myself and a piggy bank from her Uncle Matt. That is the bottle she woke up to finish, in case you were wondering. 
       We are reminded daily of how loved we are, Abby especially. Thank you to our friends and family, for everything, ever. You are all the best- absolutely tied for first place!

The Nursery

          The statement wall is coming along guys, I know you were dying to see it. Here's a peek at the small things we've been adding to the nursery lately. 

      I made that rabbit stuffy for Abigail before she was born. I used to make felt animals all the time, but hadn't in about two years. It was very special to be creating something for my daughter. I love it. It has a little floral tail too. I hope she carries it around one day. If she doesn't, that's okay too, I still like it. The button piece is one I drew years ago after being inspired by a piece done by Elsie of A Beautiful Mess. It's decorated three apartments and I think it works really well in this space. I made the tissue pom poms using this tutorial I found on Pinterest. The two buntings were also made by moi, and I just recently covered the bumper pads with  a vintage sheet I found at a 50% sale at Value Village. 
  

  I love the mix of textures and contrast that's starting to happen in her room. I'm so glad that we decided to go with a gender neutral colour on the walls, it's meant that I can add girly touches but still use more mature, darker shades. 

      There is a third print that goes with the set we purchased at Ikea a while back (Paris), the humidifier keeps loosening the tape I used to hang them and it is the only one of the three that keeps falling. I'm giving it a rest for a while. I think I might put it beneath the hearts instead, but I also may want to put a mirror there for when she starts standing. I think it would be adorable to watch her look at herself all the time. I would too if I was as cute as she is.
   Here are some other little peeks at the rest of the nursery from my iPhone: 

    Once I finally buy some chalk, I'm going to stop using the mini wooden chalkboard I saved from the garbage truck as a blanket display. The steamer trunk under there is pretty wicked too. It needs some elbow grease, but it has really good bones, and an even greater history. I can't wait to work on it this summer.

     These two beautiful ladies are no longer with us, but we keep them close to our hearts and in Abigail's room. Mark's sister, Jane, and my Grandmother, Elizabeth. Abby's middle names come from these two incredible women. We miss them everyday, and want to make sure Abby knows them.

Wedding Plans: Bridal Bouquet

via Flaming Petals

via All My Wedding Flowers

      I am absolutely loving Peonies, Hydrangeas and Ranunculus. I am considering buying wholesale silk flowers and mixing fresh with silk to cut costs and have lasting power. I plan on making my bouquet and having the bridesmaids make their own too. I see greens and pinks and white, some purple and blue but nothing vibrant. All light and fresh and airy, if that's a thing for flowers to be.  I'll be sharing my plans for the grooms men boutonnières soon...exciting!  Here are some bouquets inspiring me right now via Pinterest:

via The Bride's Cafe

  

via No Knows Weddings

   

via Blush & Bashful Weddings

      Wedding planning has me on cloud nine. My bank account keeps me down here on Earth :)
   

make it happen

           I saw this print on Pinterest the other day, and it really struck me how much it relates to my life in so many ways. I was drawn to it not just because it's pretty, and totally something I would put in Abigail's room, but because it is something I need to remind myself of these days. I love being a stay at home mom, and really (honestly) do feel fulfilled each and every day, but making certain changes have been difficult for me. For example, making physical activity a part of my daily like is something that I've had to "make happen." It's a great way to boost my mood during the winter blues, get Abigail outside, be a positive role model and get into shape for our 2014 wedding- but it's not something I've always *cough* enjoyed doing. 

            Eating healthier is also something we've had to "make happen" as a family. Mark and I have been meal planning and strategically shopping since I moved into this apartment last May, but making sure to eat more balanced meals has really been more of an ongoing growth thing than an accomplishment already reached. 

            We want these things for ourselves, and for Abigail, but that doesn't mean they don't require lots of effort on our part, we need to remember that. 2013 is seeing this family make lots of changes for the better. We are making things happen over here!

What are you making happen?